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Why Do We Lose Ourselves In Relationships?

Two lost girls in a relationship

Relationships are vital. But, why do we lose ourselves in relationships? Let’s find out. 

Two woman representing a healthy relationship.
Photo by Bran Sodre from Pexels

Last night, I was talking to one of my childhood friends whom I hadn’t met for a very long time. We discussed many things concerning our lives and ambitions. After a good talk, I tried asking about his relationship with his girlfriend. I was already aware that things weren’t good enough between them.

However, to my surprise, he was crying. I apologized to him and asked him if everything was okay between them. Then, he explained to me everything that happened and how miserable it has become.

Meanwhile, I noticed that he stressed the sentence, not letting me be many times. I asked him if he felt misunderstood or neglected. He said that it was the reason for their fights.

I thought about it for a while to understand the possible reasons for sabotaging a relationship. The compromises we have to make to avoid confrontations are one of the biggest hurdles in the path of maintaining our individuality in relationships

Besides, it also requires a good amount of hard work to finally establish yourself in a relationship.

So, let’s find out why do we lose ourselves in relationships to make our identity stronger and better with time.

What is the significance of self in relationships?

Many factors influence our relationships to a great degree. For instance, our society is responsible for the gender roles we have in many relationships, which can be unhealthy if treated otherwise.

Moreover, the stereotypes related to a healthy relationship add a burden on our independent self. It is difficult to establish a level of understanding where we are one with our partners’ needs and desires.

Two woman representing why do we lose our self in relationships
Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

Often, we feel neglected and misunderstood because our partner fails to understand what matters to us. However, things do not end here as the relationship suffers from excessive turmoils and unheard opinions.

Our independent self is significant in a relationship. It is the measure of our self-respect, individuality, and decisiveness which are important while maintaining a healthy relationship.

In other words, we need our self to maintain respect and dignity in relationships. 

For instance, when the self-respect of a woman is threatened in a relationship, she either decides to live with it or stands up for herself and protests against the mistreatment.

Likewise, when we feel that we are not respected or valued in a relationship, we do not feel obliged to compromise ourselves anymore. It is good to have a relationship where we are attuned to our partner’s needs and desires. We want to live a happy and loving life with each other.

why do we lose ourselves in relationships?
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But, if it comes at the cost of the self, then it becomes unhealthy. As a result, we no longer want to live in such a dreadful bond.

Now, that we have discussed the significance of self in a relationship, let’s find out why do we lose ourselves in relationships.

Why do we lose self in relationships?

In the above section, we discussed the significance of self in relationships and how it plays an important role in influencing our lives.

But, we can still lose ourselves in relationships, right. It is not as if the self is permanent. Besides, we might also end up sabotaging the self for the greater good. As a result, complications may arise between us and our partners.

So, here are 5 possible reasons we end up losing the self in relationships.

1. Underestimating and self-doubting ourselves:

Relationships are delicate and must be nurtured enough to get better with time. But, to do that, we have to stop doubting ourselves every time our partner comes up with decisions. We cannot maintain our individuality if we are not careful with our place in the relationship.

For instance, if a man feels that he shouldn’t be involved in the matters of the relationship, as he is too unsure of himself, things can turn bad, and he loses his right to make decisions.

Therefore, we must never underestimate ourselves and stand up for our rights when the situation demands them.

2. Detached from the self:

It is one of the common reasons behind losing the self in relationships. Yes, the ignorance towards understanding ourselves can be sabotaging individuality.

As a result, we are detached from the independent self, which helps us navigate through problems in relationships like a compass showing the direction.

Hence, we should be in touch with ourselves if we want to maintain our significance in relationships.

3. Afraid of confrontation and conflict:

Relationships are not easy to handle. Contrary to the belief, it may or may not be a paradise. Besides, it’s not always a bed of roses. We have to face many difficulties and shortcomings in it. 

However, if we are too avoidant of any confrontations or conflict, we might lose the self in relationships. Our passive nature can create a lot of misunderstandings and also assures our partners that they can emotionally manipulate us to do anything they desire.

Therefore, it is better to confront our partners’ when we disagree with them over a certain decision or situation. It will help us maintain our dignity and respect in this emotional bond.

4. Lack of space and boundaries:

A relationship becomes unhealthy when it doesn’t have privacy and understanding. In other words, boundaries are necessary to establish any kind of relationship, whether platonic or romantic.

The lack of boundaries is a clear sign that our relationship does not embrace the significance of the self. As a result, we feel too invasive and occupied by our problems.

So, it is better to set boundaries and make our partners respect them if we don’t want to compromise on the self.

5. Sensitive to your partners’ needs:

The idea to sacrifice your interests is good for a happy and healthy relationship. However, if we take it too far, it becomes more of a habit that takes a toll on us.

Therefore, we must be careful and sensible enough to place our interests and be honest about our opinions and perspectives. It helps us utilize our needs and desires.

Final Words:

To sum up, maintaining the self in relationships can be tricky and requires a lot of hard work and dedication.

However, with a healthy approach, we can make our relationships near perfect with absolutely no undesirable compromises from any side. Moreover, our individuality is important and must be respected for what it is.

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