Serving people and helping them in life is an admirable trait. But what if people do not deserve help or support? What are the best ways to stop being a people-pleaser? Let’s find out.
There are very few of us who want to serve people and help them lead a better and blissful life. Nothing is devastating than seeing them suffer and die when no one stands up to take care of them.
Most of us neglect and ignore people with nothing but pity to spare in the least. Hence, it is important to serve the people’s interests and help them evolve with time.
However, one thing to note is that people can be bad towards each other even if they need help themselves. The individuals who believe in serving others often have to face tough times with their benevolent and compassionate nature.
Moreover, not every needy person out there tries to return the favor of help and support. It is the reason why many such people end up becoming just people-pleasers who have no time for themselves.
If you are one of them, who is exploited for helping others tirelessly, then it is time to stop caring about others and refrain from becoming people-pleasers. In fact, people-pleasing causes more harm than good when you are in a society that values strong and dominant people.
So, “How to deal with it?”
“What are the ways to stop being a people-pleaser?”
Let’s find out.
You can also watch the video below to know about 6 self-development ways to stop being a people-pleaser.
How people-pleasing can be unhealthy?
Don’t get me wrong.
I admire people who help others and work towards their welfare on a consistent note. Besides, they are very altruistic and hopeful about their beliefs and values.
But, improving society and people at the cost of your own welfare is never a good option, and one has to suffer a lot of consequences for his acts. The more adaptable and diplomatic you are, the more you suffer for your nature.
As a result, the people-pleasing tendency can be very unhealthy and might not benefit us in the long run.
Now, there are many ways how people-pleasing can be very unhealthy, but three of them are the most common. Here they are:
1. You end up becoming a doormat:
People-pleasing is unhealthy. But, the prime reason behind it is that we end up becoming a doormat. Yes, a doormat that everyone steps on unapologetically.
Because they take people-pleasers for granted. This is the reason why most people-pleasers suffer in the first place. There is nothing worse than people using you for their benefit and ultimately dumping you when they can’t use you anymore.
Therefore, people-pleasing can be unhealthy as it makes you a doormat to most people.
2. You become conflict-avoidant:
Another significant reason how people-pleasing is unhealthy is the conflict-avoidant attitude that doesn’t allow a person to stand up for himself. Moreover, people assume this attitude as a sign of weakness and submission to society’s rules.
Generally, people-pleasers are very sensitive and compassionate and lack any assertiveness to deal with people who bully them and use them for their selfish motives.
Hence, people-pleasing is unhealthy due to a conflict-avoidant attitude.
3. You don’t want to disappoint others:
Disappointment creates many problems that are bad for our well-being. We do not want to disappoint others with our actions, especially if they have high expectations from us.
When we are too busy to please people, we often identify ourselves with their needs and desires. So, if they are hurt in some or another way, we are sad too. As a result, we do not want to disappoint others due to our selfless and humble nature.
Also, it is one of the most important ways of how people-pleasing is unhealthy.
Now, we have successfully discussed the reasons for unhealthy people-pleasing. We have also mentioned the three most important ways behind it.
But, “How to stop being a people-pleaser?”
“What are the ways to stop being a people-pleaser?”
Let’s find out in the next section.
What are the ways to stop being a people-pleaser?
Until now, we have discussed a lot about the perils of people-pleasing and how they have to suffer a great deal due to their easy-going and agreeable nature. Even though society needs them, yet they are underestimated a lot.
Not only this but living with such people is a challenge in itself as no one wants to deal with them. It is also relatively easy to manipulate and deceive them.
So, here are 6 self-developmental ways to stop being a people-pleaser and stand up for oneself.
1. Do not feel obliged to help others:
A common issue with the people-pleasers is their neverending need to help others regardless of what happens to them. Now, this is a great trait if the person they are helping actually needs help.
But, “What if the person is just using them needlessly?”
This is where people-pleasers suffer a lot as they feel obliged to help everyone around them. Besides, their sensitive nature doesn’t make them too rigid or assertive to such people.
Hence, it is better for people-pleasers to not feel obliged to help others every time.
2. Magnanimity is good, but not too much:
You must have heard about magnanimity. If you haven’t, then you can refer to this article, which beautifully explains how a magnanimous person is in reality. People-pleasers have the same tendency to be good and generous with others regardless of their preferences.
They are compassionate and altruistic, which are necessary traits for magnanimity. However, too much magnanimity is bad as society is not all good, and you do not get rewards for your service.
In other words, there are times when a person has to choose what matters to him and what doesn’t. Self-preservation is equally important along with selfless service.
Hence, be magnanimous, but not to a fault.
3. Beware of narcissists:
Narcissism is a really bad trait to deal with if you are a people-pleaser. Nothing can be as bad as dealing with a person who preys on your gentle and calm demeanor. These energy-sucking vampires thrive on your optimistic lifeblood.
If you know a narcissist or live with one, you will soon understand how bad things can get with you. They do not care about service or charity and have absolutely no concern for generous and pleasing people.
In fact, more than others they are the ones who exploit people-pleasers the most and make them suffer for the rest of their lives.
Hence, it is better to beware of narcissists and watch out for these people.
4. Concentrate on yourself and your needs:
I must admit. People-pleasers have an easy time helping others, but themselves. It is ironic that a person knows so much about people but doesn’t know a thing about himself.
Pleasing people and helping them every time makes them lose their identity and authenticity. These people are excellent social chameleons who adapt themselves to their environment. The drawback of it is that they are unaware of themselves and feel lost.
Hence, the people-pleasers should concentrate on themselves and fulfill their needs and desires as much as possible.
5. Be confident of who you are:
Confidence exudes charisma and brilliance. But more than anything else, it exudes strength and nobility. People-pleasers have a tough time being confident enough to stand up for themselves.
In fact, confidence is not what they desire the most, yet it is vital for their well-being. If you are a people-pleaser then, you do not have to man up or be assertive to others. Instead, have the strength to say yes or no. In other words, silent strength is the most important thing to develop for people-pleasers.
Hence, be confident of who you are and have firm opinions.
6. Lastly, balance your sympathetic nature with self-centeredness:
Self-centeredness balances the compassionate and sympathetic nature of people. It is better to have sympathy and compassion with a little bit of self-centeredness.
Of course, being a people-pleaser is good, but if you continue to please, people, every time, you will neglect yourself. Instead of pleasing people, it is better to help someone truly in need and still take care of yourself without any regrets.
Therefore, balance your sympathetic nature with self-centeredness to live a better and sustainable life.
To sum up, people-pleasing is good for society. We need people-pleasers now more than ever. The incredible love and support they provide us with are enough for a happy and healthy life.
However, they are also vulnerable to the sad state of society that doesn’t understand their worth in these tough times. The self-developmental ways above can easily fix everything they are going through so they can live their life on their own terms.